Hi, my names Meg and my addictive personality lets me obsess over a lot of wonderful things.

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♥ 02/04/13 ♥
x ♦ x

i suggest we imbibe copious quantities of alcohol
One: Buy condoms. Buy them and keep them with you at all times, and use them before you are asked to use them. And use them every time. The peace of mind you allow your partner will free her to be vulnerable with you, and that, my son, is exactly what sex is about. Condoms are sexy. In fact, call buying condoms foreplay.
(Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)

Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.

Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.

Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.

Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own.
(Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)

Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.

Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.

Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.

Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.

Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.
Love, Dad.
-

Big Poppa E., “How To Make Love” (via minuty)

Amen to this

(via nosce-orbis)

orderofmerlin:

obsessedwiththeroyals:

The reasons to love Prince Harry are endless

I fell in love with him when I was probably 10ish and reading a J14 magazine and there was a photo of him with a porcupine and I was like wow that is an adorable ginger prince just

Tagged as: #lol what a cutie 

larrycoincidences:

pepitotomlinsons:

you know what’s fun? watching gifs of louis talking and looking at his mouth because you can literally see the british accent

image

ive never been more stressed i have chem and bio finals back to back tmrw and im rethinking what i wanna do with my life/major in ahhhhh

beastheads:

thegestianpoet:

bryan fuller when creating hannibal: “find me the prettiest english boy you can find. cover him in dirt and sweat and pain and make him talk like he’s from virginia. there should be a dog in this one too. maybe like seven or eight dogs.”

  [x]

Tagged as: #hannibal 

plantemoji:

liking a boy is so confusing like… i hate boys. but i like this one. but i must not like him. but he’s alright. no he sucks. hes better than other boys.. no. u must not love the enemy.

Tagged as: #leprechaun 

Dylan O’Brien @ WonderCon 2014 ©

Tagged as: #why  #o'brien 
Tagged as: #o'brien 

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